Yeah, it’s another new year. No, I don’t have a bullshit New Year’s resolution that I’m going to write about. So, 2012 came by and the only thing that really went through my mind was, “I wonder where I’m going to end up?” Hence, the blurred photo with bokeh. I thought it was most appropriate to use this type of photo for this post to give it more, as b-boys call it, flava. Anyways, halfway through January I was drunk at a bar and saw a glimpse of what the future has in store for me. It was the most unexpected thing ever. The future IS a bit blurry right now, but each day that passes it gets clearer and clearer. And I’m loving what I’m seeing.

For the past five months I’ve been having trouble sleeping and it’s no doubt that it’s the fact that I’m in another country far away from home. Lately, I’ve been taking melatonin (thank “you” haha), a supplement that helps promote sleep, and it’s been working out amazingly. On top of that, I’m starting to remember my dreams vividly. I used to blog about my dreams from a dream interpretation website a couple years back. This is what I got out of my dream from last night:

Desk
To see or sit at your desk in your dream suggests that you are evaluating and weighing your problems. It is indicative of self-exploration and discovery. If you are at someone else’s desk, then it symbolizes a lack of confidence in your own abilities.

Computer
To see a computer in your dream symbolizes technology, information, and modern life. New areas of opportunities are being opened to you. Alternatively, computers represent a lack of individuality and lack of emotions and feelings. Too often, you are just going along with the flow, without voicing your own opinions and views. You may also feel a depreciated sense of superiority.

Bed
To see your bed in your dream represents your intimate self and discovery of your sexuality. If you are sleeping in your own bed, then it denotes security and restoration of your mind. You may be looking for domestic bliss, for peace or for some form of escape. If you are waking up in a different and/or unknown bed, then it represents the consequences of the decisions you have made. The dream may also be a pun on the completion of a project and “putting it to bed.” Consider the condition of the bed. If the bed is made, then it symbolizes security. If the bed is unmade, then it indicates that certain secrets will soon be exposed or revealed. Or that you are exhibiting some carelessness in your sexual behavior.

Cuddle
To dream that you are cuddling with someone indicates your need for physical and/or emotional contact. Do not overlook the obvious meaning of this dream which suggests your heart’s desire for that particular person. Also consider the symbolism of that person you are cuddling with and determine how you need to acknowledge, accept, and unify those qualities in yourself.

Pistol
To dream that you are aiming a pistol denotes that you are trying to target a specific goal. Alternatively, the dream also symbolizes fear, anger and aggression. You are using your power to defend yourself against the fear and anger. It may also indicate your hot and quick temper.

The statements not crossed out really relate to what’s going on in my life. Pretty insane interpretation and always is no matter what I dream about.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?! The other day I started a log on my chest pains. I was keeping track for about 3 hours and decided it was easier to just say I have more than 5 chest pains every hour. And they all hurt equally. And it doesn’t matter if I’m active or not. This is fucking ridiculous. Meds all day. Meds all night. I don’t want to be on meds. I want to know what the hell is wrong with my body. Doctors: “Oh! You got pains? Here’s some pain relievers! Problem solved!” Yeah, problem solved until my coworker comes knocking on my door only to find out I couldn’t answer because I was dead in my bed. Then what, docs? The meds I was given say, “Take with food.” Since I already ate dinner hours ago I had to cook a bowl of oatmeal and take my pill with that. It’s opened my appetite for delicious foods. So now I can’t decided if I should order this Korean restaurant’s amazing food. I’m hungry.

This is what happens when mistakes you’ve made in the past run through your head. They play over and over and over again. A never-ending reel of regret. I just want to sleep.

Not because I want to, but because bluehost decided that it would be a good idea to erase everything on my server.